In a galaxy where chaos reigns and injuries are frequent...
One ship dares to deliver questionable healthcare at terminal velocity.
From the budget-burning labs of Cube International, creators of “Oops, All Buttons” and “We Meant To Do That Mk. II”, comes the medical marvel you never asked for:
CubeMed-7: The Wambulance
"You called an ambulance? We sent The Wambulance."
FEATURES INCLUDE:
Atmospheric re-entry without asking permission
Parachutes, probably
A panic button labeled “Oh Crap Jerry!” (requires weapons dlc)
Full water-landing capabilities (not intentional)
Ejectable patient pod for rapid medical expulsion
Medbay with questionable hygiene but amazing views
BACKSTORY
The Wambulance was born out of Cube International’s disastrous attempt to enter the luxury space cruiser market. When the first prototype crash-landed in a crater and somehow kept its lone passenger alive (while ejecting them violently into a soft pile of lunar dust), upper management had a revelation:
“What if we leaned into the chaos?”
Thus, the CubeMed-7 Wambulance was repurposed from failed shuttle parts, fireproof medical stickers, and the collective dreams of underqualified interns. Designed for deep-space emergencies, orbital rescues, and extremely sudden patient transfers, it quickly became the most deployed and most complained about vehicle in the entire fleet.
Now, The Wambulance is Cube International’s flagship emergency response vessel—capable of landing on water, crashing into mountains, and still getting your patient to safety… or at least out of the building.
"Sometimes they don't survive,
but they always arrive."
