ACTUALLY removes all vanilla hair (like it's gone) so now you can live in a bald RimWorld.
This provides the benefit of having only modded hair. Considering it straight up deletes the existence of the hair defs, I don't recommend loading this mod with any old saves.
Apparently, if no other hair mod is loaded, it also (hilariously) makes everyone else naked. Use a hair mod with this mod I guess.
With the help of Razor 2.3 (as in he literally just gave me the entirety of the code, I did ♥♥♥♥ all), I got it to actually work.
I still don't understand the exact problem as what I started with was basically the same thing that was written in his code, but I can only guess it was because I made one singular error, which spiraled the thing to disgusting levels of coding as I tried other ways of making it work. Hey, everyone starts somewhere I guess.